There are some basic rules of dating that apply whether you’re dating online or not, but there are some that are unique to online dating. Let’s go over a few of them. Hint: they all start with being honest.
Use Recent Photos
It’s not fair to use a picture from your senior year of high school if you’re ten years past high school. Get a recent picture just for your profile. Have a friend take it, use your smartphone, or use the webcam on your laptop.
You don’t need a professional headshot – and to be honest a professional headshot doesn’t really say who you really are. Whether we like it or not, people are visual creatures and if you lie about something as basic as your appearance, you aren’t going to be successful. It’s okay to show your best features, but don’t look so different in your profile that they won’t know who you are if they see you in person.
Let Your Freak Flag Fly
Before you even go on a date, if you know that you have certain issues, fetishes or social differences, say so in your profile – or at least when you talk to the person before you go on a date. It can be a deal breaker for some people who otherwise like you to know that you like to be diapered like a baby. For others, it might be their thing.
It’s hard to talk about these things when you haven’t even met someone, but with online dating, it’s expected that there will be fewer surprises on the “getting to know you phase” of the date. Plus, if something is important to you, enough that you’re going to eventually bring it up with someone you like, you best bring it up before so that you don’t get hurt or waste your time.
Be Truthful
Don’t lie and say you run a big corporation when you don’t. You don’t have to brag about living in your mom’s basement, but you shouldn’t lie about it either. Dating is about being yourself, and the only way to do that is to be truthful on the dating profile and in conversations with others about your situation in life.
You may be surprised to find out that other people are in the same boat and don’t care as much as you may have thought. Dating isn’t acting. Dating is real. Dating is most often about potentially finding a life partner and if you’re not interested in that, say so from the beginning on your profile – not after the fifth date.
Respond Only If Interested
It may seem cruel, but you really shouldn’t talk to people you know that you’re not going to be interested in and will never meet no matter what. If they’re not right for you, don’t respond to them. If they keep contacting you just say, “Thank you very much for your interest but I don’t believe we are compatible.” If they continue, or are jerks due to it, block them and move on.
Also, some people seem to like to go on dates out of boredom, even when they know that they will never go on another date with that person. Please don’t do this. Only meet up with a person if you think there is a potential based on your mutual reasons for being on the online dating app.
This is especially a problem when someone wants others to pay for the dinners but have no intentions of even considering another date. Same with those who are only after sex but don’t admit it in their profiles. Don’t date someone looking for love and marriage if you only want sex.
Listen
When you do finally connect with someone, it’s imperative that you stop talking and listen to them. Many people report that dates tend to do all the talking and they never ask questions about the other person. So, if the person isn’t talking, ask them questions about themselves that you don’t know from their profile.
The more you ask them questions about themselves, the more favorable the date will seem to them. However, on the other side, if the date isn’t also doing the same for you, you might want to question if they’re really interested in you or just the experience.
Be You Even If You Risk Rejection
Don’t try to put on a fake personality. If you’re not outgoing, don’t be outgoing. If you’re not talkative, don’t try to be. If you don’t like going to certain types of movies, don’t go to that movie. If you don’t like hiking, don’t hike. You should be who you are even if you risk rejection. The reason is that no one can maintain a false persona forever.
Someday the real you will come out and if you’ve attached yourself to someone who wants to do things all the time you don’t want to do, it will not work out in the long run. Ideally, you want to meet someone who likes doing the same things you like doing. It’s not really true that opposites attract and work out. They might attract at first, but for a good long-term situation, you both must be willing and happy to engage in the things the other person likes to do.
Offer to Pay
This is always a tricky one and it does depend on what you want out of life. The way it should work in an equal society is the person who planned the date should pay. When you get to know each other more, perhaps the person with the best job should pay.
Men do not always have to pay, but men should consider that women usually make less than they do. However, on the occasion that they find a woman who earns more than them and is willing to pay, they should not take it as an insult. So again, this will depend on what you’re looking for, your age group, and what’s important to you. It’s also okay to pay your own bill and get separate tickets for first dates, and no one should feel put off by this.
Question: What could Match.com, eHarmony, and AdultFriendFinder possibly have in common and why do you care?
Answer: They are all online dating sites designed with a very specific objective and person in mind. Fact is, an amazing number of people sign up to the wrong dating site and wonder why it doesn’t work for them.
eHarmony is intended for people looking for a long-term, serious relationship, A.K.A. “looking for marriage”. AdultFriendFinder is intended for people looking for a casual, and in most cases, a sexual relationship, A.K.A. “not looking for marriage”. Match.com falls somewhere in between, focusing on casual dating that may potentially turn into a long term relationship.
So, if you are looking for a serious relationship, don’t you think it would be a mistake to join AdultFriendFinder? Yes, it may be fun to look around and flirt, etc., but are you really being honest with yourself and with the other members of that site?
There are literally hundreds, even thousands, of dating sites to choose from. How do you know which ones are right for you?
As you begin your search for the best online dating site, you will probably be surprised by the number of options. Online dating services are popping up daily on the internet, making the decision of choosing the “right” service a bit overwhelming.
It’s well worth the extra time to find 2 or 3 dating sites that fit your personality and offer the services that you’re looking for. Narrow down the list of potential online dating sites to your top 3 and then compare them to determine the pros and cons of each one. Pay particular attention to the monthly cost and features offered by each dating site.
While more and more ‘free’ dating sites are becoming available, most sites differentiate between free and paid memberships. In general, most dating sites will let you upload your profile and a few photos, and search through their database of profiles for free (but they may not let you see all of the details). You will most likely have to pay for any additional features.
Once you’ve chosen a few, sign up for each of them. It only takes a little extra time and you’re sure to meet different people on each of the different sites.
Here are some excellent tips for finding a service that will best match your needs:
1. Establish a budget. Decide how much money you want to spend, and set a budget. Most online dating websites charge a recurring monthly fee, but there are a few that have a one-time membership fee, and even fewer totally free sites. Determine up front how much you want to spend so that you can narrow your choices and avoid sites that don’t fit in your budget.
2. Ask for references. Talk to friends and family to see if they or anyone they know has had a good experience with a particular online dating website. If you don’t know anyone, you can always check out an online dating guide. Just go to your favorite search engine and type in “online dating guide”. You’ll get plenty to choose from.
3. Try to choose an online dating service that has been around for a couple of years. The best way to find out how long a website has been around is to go to the website’s “About Us” page where you will learn not only the date the site was started but also the company’s philosophy. Another good source of information is the “FAQ”, or frequently asked questions page on the website.
4. Do your research. Take the time to check your favorite search engines for popular dating sites. Try searching terms like “online dating”, “meet someone online”, or “online personals” to generate lists of potential online sites for you.
5. Consider specialized or niche sites. Think about any special interests or unique situations that might require a more specialized online dating website. If you are interesting in something specific like Single Parents, Christian Dating, Jewish Dating, Senior Dating, Gay Dating, or Adult Dating, make sure you include those terms in your search (see #4 above).
6. Determine the pros and cons of your top picks. Narrow down the list of potential online sites to your top three and compare them to determine pros and cons of each one. Compare them buy cost and features that are interesting to you such as live chat, online video, and number of members on the site.
7. Sign up to multiple dating sites. Don’t be afraid to sign-up for multiple websites or change services if you are not satisfied. The goal is to meet new people online and enjoy the process. If a particular site is not meeting your needs, move on before you invest more of your money on a service that isn’t right for you.
8. For safety and convenience, look for online dating services that offer onsite messaging and email services. This will allow you to communicate with people using a special email provided by the dating service instead of using your personal email or IM (instant message). You should stay anonymous, at least at first. You wouldn’t walk into a bar with a name and address tag around your neck, would you? It is important, however, to use a valid email address when signing up for your account. Most dating sites give you the option to receive email notification of replies to your personal ad, and some even forward the reply right to your email box. You won’t want to miss these emails! I suggest that you use a free email account, such as Yahoo Mail or Hotmail , to reduce the possibility of spam. Just remember to check your new mailbox!
9. Make sure the dating service offers secure payment methods. Also, look at the type of payments accepted (credit card, check, money order, PayPal, etc.) to ensure the options work for you.
10. Look for websites that offer free trials. Look for an online dating service that will allow you to browse profiles and photos before you join, or a service that offers a free trial period so you can talk to people that you are interested in meeting before you have to pay. This allows you to fully understand the number and types of potential matches already signed up with the service.
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